I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
