Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
