He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
