i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
