so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
