I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
