I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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