I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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