Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
