I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
