I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
