I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
