if you like me you must not know who I am
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
