I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
