so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
