Pants 0. Shit 1.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
