i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
