Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
