you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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