i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
