i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
