remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
