saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
