i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
