I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
