I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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