I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
