You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
