Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
