R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
