he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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