I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
