I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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