In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
