I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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