either way he was missing a nipple.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
