All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
