you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
