oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
