i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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