you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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