sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
