I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
FUCK WHALES
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
