we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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