Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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