A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I need moral support for this bender
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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