Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
