wakey wakey hands off snakey
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
