How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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