She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
