I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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