if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
