Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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