i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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