I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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