Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
