so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
